


Bride on a Boat

by EllieRose101



Category: Firefly
Genre: Episode: s01e06 Our Mrs. Reynolds, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-19 05:49:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieRose101/pseuds/EllieRose101
Summary: When Mal relents and lets Jayne take his new accidental wife off his hands, everyone gets more than they bargained for. Saffron just may have met her match.





	1. Chapter 1

Mal left Inara’s room and ran directly into Jayne, who cocked his gun at him.

“Do I have your attention?”

Mal raised empty hands and took a half-step back. “We're kind of going to extremes here, ain't we?”

“There's times I think you don't take me seriously,” said Jayne. “And I think that oughta change.”

“Do you think it's likely to?” asked Mal, knowing full well he was pushing his luck, but not caring. He’d been forced into surrender a little too much, lately.

“You got something you don't deserve,” Jayne continued, ignoring the quip.

 _Ah, so this is about Saffron. Of course._ Mal shook his head. “It's brought me a galaxy a'fun I'm here to tell you.”

Again, Jayne carried on with his obviously pre-prepared speech. Mal was actually a little impressed. He’d never known him to be so single-minded before.

“Six men came to kill me one time, and the best of them carried this.” He eyed the gun, almost lovingly, before holding it out. “It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock, customized trigger and double cartridge thorough-gage.” There was a pause, then the addition of, “It's my very favorite.”

Mal balked. “You offering me a trade?”

“A _trade_?” Jayne repeated. “Hell, it's theft! This is the best gun made by man, and its got extreme sentimental value! It's miles more worthy'n what you got.”

"What I got–" Mal began, before stopping himself. They could spend all day throwing each other’s words back at each other, and he already had plans to get drunk and sleep before the remainder of it was out. “She has a name,” he chided, changing tack.

“So does this!” Jayne countered, thrusting the gun towards him again, before smiling. “I call it Vera.”

“Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle,” said Mal. He’d had enough talk of wives to last him a lifetime.

“Dammit, Mal, I'd treat her okay,” came the next protest, but the Captain was having none of it.

“She's not to be bought. Nor bartered, nor borrowed, or lent. She's a human woman, doesn't know a damn thing about the world, and needs our protection.”

Jayne wasn’t giving up either. “I'll protect her!” he insisted.

“Go play with your rainstick,” Mal told him before heading downstairs, only for the girl in question to step out of the shadows and block his way.

“Gah! You do sneak about, don't you?!”

Behind him, Jayne looked a mixture of wary and hopeful.

“You're a good man,” Saffron said to Mal, ignoring Jayne completely.

“You clearly haven't been talking to anyone else on this boat,” Mal told her.

Saffron cast her eyes downward. “You’d make a good husband, I reckon.”

“Now hold on–” Mal began. They weren’t married, and they weren’t gonna be. _Just why isn’t she getting this?_

Ignoring the interruption, Saffron continued, “If I'm not to be yours, I at least deserve a man who wants me, don’t I?” Finally, her eyes strayed to Jayne, but only for a moment.

“I’m not sure he qualifies,” Mal argued, but his ability to do so had been significantly worn down.

“You spoke to me of choice,” said Saffron.

“Well, yeah,” Mal admitted, “But you seriously wanna choose him?”

“Hey!” Jayne protested.

Mal found himself raising his hands once more, utterly tired. The whole thing was madness, pure and simple, but… “I aint gonna be the one to stand in the way of true idiocy, but if this goes sour, don’t come runnin’ to me, either one of you.”

Saffron beamed around Mal as he began backing away. _This is_ definitely _gonna go sour._

Before he knew what was happening, Jayne surprised him for the second time that day. He approached him and threw his arms around Mal’s middle from behind, all the while still balancing Vera.

Mal shrugged him off and told him to keep the gun. “I want no part in this. Anything either of you do ain’t down to me.”

Jayne didn’t seem to be listening. Already, he’d closed the distance between himself and Saffron.

Later, in his quarters, Mal wondered if letting Jayne keep Vera was a good idea after all. Deranged as he obviously was, the man probably shouldn’t be in charge of a firearm.

Halfway through second-guessing himself on that count, Mal also wondered what would happen if Saffron and Jayne actually made it work. He hoped things would come to a head quickly, because he sure as hell didn’t want any more crew, and personal relationships on board a boat could make things… messy.

Mal sat up in bed, consumed with thoughts of his existing crew. The Sheppard might just gut him if he heard he’d handed his wife off to the most disreputable person on board.

Unable to rest, Mal decided to cut his losses and get up again. There was no way he could sleep until he’d checked on them. Saffron was probably hiding somewhere crying her pretty little eyes out, and he felt responsible, damnit.

* * *

Jayne’s eyes bugged out at Saffron’s seductive approach. Swaying her hips, she closed the small distance between where she had stood, at the door, and the bunk where he sat.

The meek and mild act was shed the same time as her shirt and now, placing herself firmly in Jayne’s lap, she leaned forward for a kiss.

Jayne leaned away from her. “Nah, not into that.”

She paused. “Excuse me?”

“I said I ain’t into that,” repeated Jayne.

Saffron blinked. “Into kissin’?” _There’s no way this is happening to me. Two men in one day able to resist? What are the worlds comin’ to?_

Frowning, she considered the very real sign, placed right between her thighs, that she was still having somewhat of the desired effect.

“You’re into other things though, right?”

“You bet,” affirmed Jayne, smiling.

Huh. So it was just kissing he didn’t like. Or maybe just kissing on the mouth. Maybe he suspected her plan, or maybe he just had a whole colorful line of past experiences. Either way, the plan would have to change.

“How do you feel about kissin’… elsewhere?” she asked, running her eyes along the length of him, trying to figure out where the best Plan B spot to place the drugged lipstick was – aside from the obvious.

“Well sure,” said Jayne. He was still smiling at her and, truth be told, a part of her actually liked him some. He may not be the smartest, but was rugged and clearly dangerous; that counted for something in her book. Plus, the gun he’d offered to trade for her really was a beauty. He must really like her, after all.

“You like it?”

“Huh? Oh.” Saffron chided herself. He’d caught her looking at Vera. She wouldn’t normally let herself get so distracted but, hey, maybe she could have a little fun with this one.

“It’s beautiful,” she said – the first honest words from her lips in a long time.

Jayne nodded gleefully. “Best there is. Y’know, I could maybe show you target practice with it sometime, if that’s the kinda thing gets you hot?”

“Oddly, it does,” admitted Saffron.

She made up her mind right there to just enjoy the night, then get back on the job come morning. Her hands were reaching for Jayne’s zipper when Mal came down the ladder into his room.


	2. Chapter 2

“Gorram it, Jayne! What you making her do?”

Jayne jumped up from his cot but, before he could open his mouth to reply, Saffron stood between him and Mal, ignoring the fact that she was topless.

Mal looked away.

“We’re enjoying our wedding night,” she told him. “Now, if you don’t mind…” With each word, she took a step towards Mal, making him back right up and out of the space again. Once the way was clear, Saffron locked the door shut.

Either side of the door, Mal and Jayne were speechless. The former decided that his earlier plan of some more cider was just what he needed. Hell, he might even look back in on Inara if it meant he could get what he’d just seen outta his mind. As he walked away from the main ship’s sleeping quarters towards the shuttle, Saffron and Jayne continued to stare at each other.

“Is he always like that?”

“Yup,” said Jayne, “Annoyin’, aint it?”

She nodded and approached him again. “Saffron’s not my real name, y’know.”

Jayne looked contemplative for a moment. “That so?”

“Sure.” She wasn’t quite sure why she’d admitted it but, seeing as things with him were either gonna work, or she’d end up shooting him, she figured it didn’t really matter.

“That what you wanna be called?” asked Jayne.

“Sure,” she repeated.

He smiled. “It’s been a while for you, aint it?”

She grinned in return. “Too damn long, I can tell ya that.” _What would it hurt if I gave him a good time, for a bit?_

Carrying on where she left off, she pulled down his zipper and got to work, only realizing the error of her ways when her lips were fastened around him and his heavy frame slumped, unconscious, on top of her.

She swore and shoved him off. It was a rookie error. Never before had she forgotten to wipe away the lipstick – never before had she needed to – but Mal had thrown her off her game. Again.

Frustrated, Saffron amended her plan once more. She left Jayne and the proposition of a night off, pulled her clothes back on, unlocked his door hatch and made her way to the communal area to scout about.

In the kitchen was a young woman looking a little too closely at her. It was unnerving.

“Can I help you?” Saffron asked, keeping her voice sweet.

“That’s River,” said Mal, who appeared behind Saffron. He was pouring himself more cider. “You done with Jayne already? Boy can I not wait to bring up that tidbit next time he steps outta line.”

Saffron ignored him and turned back to the lady, smiling brightly. “Well, hi River.”

River did not smile. “You’re no good,” she said.

Mal began to say that she didn’t rightly know what she was saying, but meant no harm, but then the little witch went and spilled her whole gorram plan.

Saffron stared at River. Mal had stopped talking. He tried to step close, but Saffron bolted, running for the bridge. Zoe and Wash were in there, apparently having a fight. Saffron didn’t think she had time to convince either of them to leave, so she took a left and headed for one of the shuttles instead.

Mal must have hit a button somewhere, because an alarm sounded. Saffron heard him yell an order to Wash to disable the shuttle.

 _Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN!_ She was trapped.

Saffron turned to face Mal. He had his hands raised in a placating manner but was still moving towards her.

“Now, I woulda been willin’ to give you the benefit of the doubt but, you see, you runnin’ away kinda gives credence to the idea that you ain’t up to nothin’ good.”

Saffron began babbling about how she just got scared, is all, with being accused – “I’ve never been accused of nothing before, honest!” – and that she didn’t know what she was doing, beyond panicking, which was too close to the gorram truth.

Mal didn’t seem to be buying it. At least not all the way.

“Our River’s special, you see,” he told her. “Mad as a sack of hammers, but refreshingly honest about the things she says that ain’t nonsense. So, if I search your bag, am I gonna find myself some of the tools she mentioned along with a reason to throw you out an airlock?”

Saffron felt her eyes grow wide.

Mal frowned and gestured to her face. “That worry you got painted there seems to say a whole lot, so how ‘bout you start again. I already know your plan, why don’t we go for why?”

She didn’t say anything. A thousand cover stories came to mind, all tried and tested, but what was the point in any of them if they had a human lie detector walking around? The crew of this one little rust bucket had already given her more trouble than the last six months of jobs put together.

“Listen,” said Mal. He’d stopped walking, but only because there was no more distance to cover without them actually touching. One wrong move and he could have an arm twisted behind her back, or worse. “We all done things we ain’t proud of,” he was saying. “The difference here is, you got a chance to make up for it _before_ everything goes to hell. River stopped your plan, you gotta decide what comes next.”

“You’re giving me a second chance?” Saffron baulked, not understanding how such mercy could come from the same tongue that threatened to throw her into space not five seconds before.

“I suppose maybe I am,” Mal answered. “I don’t like killin’ folk, but I’ll do it if it’s necessary.” He leveled his gaze, making it clear he meant every word. “Are you gonna make it necessary, or are you gonna play house with Jayne for a bit an’ stay outta my way? Get bored of it, and I’ll drop you off on the next nearby planet; let you become someone else’s problem.”

Saffron’s jaw worked, but it was a while before she could say anything. It didn’t seem like she had any real choice but to accept.

“I can play nice,” she answered, finally.

Mal smiled and backed up a little, but not before checking her for weapons. He pulled a knife from a strap on the inside of her thigh.

“Jayne ain’t gonna like it, but if he’s keepin’ you, his buddies are gonna go under lock and key. No show and tell for Vera.”

Saffron raised an eyebrow. “This merciful second chance doesn’t come with a little trust?”

“Not a crumb of it,” said Mal, still smiling.

He made her follow him back to the kitchen, where she sat under observation until Jayne woke up and joined them.

He wandered in, looking a little hungover, and picked up a piece of fruit.

“What’s goin’ on?”

“Your wife wanted to murder us all and sell Serenity for scap,” said Zoe, glaring daggers.

Jayne paused, an apple halfway to his lips. “Oh,” he said after a moment’s contemplation. Then he shrugged and turned on his heel. “Well, I’ll be in my bunk.”

Saffron got up and elbowed him in the ribs.

“ _Our_ bunk,” he quickly amended, ginning. In a lower tone, he added, “You’re really something. Knocked me right out.”

Saffron blinked at him. “Uh, sure, honey, you were great too.”

Hand in hand, they disappeared down the corridor.

“I actually think they deserve each other,” Mal commented.

“Yeah,” agreed Kaylee, “I don’t know which is worse.”


End file.
